we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
