Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she told me i tasted like america
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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