WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
