I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
