on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My vagina is officially offended.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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