I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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