I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
