We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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