I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
