I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I checked into jail on foursquare
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I want her autograph on my taint
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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