Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
BRING THE BAGELS
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
