Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
