after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
