If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
