meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
