A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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