Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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