Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I didn't notice because vodka
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
