If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I have post one night stand depression
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