direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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