You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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