sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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