if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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