My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
