Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
