somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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