Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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