ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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