i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
