i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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