Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
time to smoke my breakfast
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
