i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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