Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
