butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
