shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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