how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
