youre lurking in front of me
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Damn victory sex feels great
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
