I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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