just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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