Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
