Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
