all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
