I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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