Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
