i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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