I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
