youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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