one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
