hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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