I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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