he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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