I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
