i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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