turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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