So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
