Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
