I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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