HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
