i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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