Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
