Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
