Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize