Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
