And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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