New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
