i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
