Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
