im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I lost the right to judge tonight
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize