So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
