I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
