Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
