none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
