hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
