My hand turned me down
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
